thats the strangest technique Ive ever heard of to try and get back together with someone. Because a healthy, loving partner does not do this. And the Flamingo is fun because its what I imagine the trashy, gaudy old Vegas was like so when Im there I pretend Im like a mobsters wife or something. I agree. Might need to go back. My own brain is like that. My husband was very upset. Theres a weird dichotomy with that place. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. Therapy, now, for both of you so that you can discuss this issue, and potentially solo therapy for him to address his issues. Be ready to beg, borrow, steal to brainwash your partner to start traveling with you. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. I firmly believe in the dont be a dipshit rule of travel, and it has served me well. It is ideally set up to host conferences. I know Im a good driver, and that I can handle this, but every time you have these little worry fits you make me doubt myself. Indifference. Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource Oooh, Ive heard of the mob museum. I go on a vacation with my sisters, or go to my cousins house in PA. We enjoy the time apart. Theyre both really worst-case-scenarios and things that happen *to* the OP. What Anonymous Poster is describing is a learned skill that a therapist can teach mot people. Tell him to get over himself. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? Youre not choosing your career over your marriage when you take three days to sit in a conference hall, for chrissake. Your husband has some very abnormal thoughts and I cant any scenario where you not going to Vegas has any bearing on the kind of warped thinking going on in his brain. Thats the issue here. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. Or is he bad whenever you are off doing anything on your own? I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. But theres no need to snark at me for making/agreeing with a suggestion. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Im glad you have found enough awareness around this issue to help you handle it. Just my two cents. And then he interprets the lack of disagreement as agreement. Uncategorized ; June 21, 2022 husband doesn t want to go on family vacation . or is it not? husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. 7. Ignore your phone for the rest of the trip, do not let him pester you or hog time soothing him when you should be doing work stuff. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Business trips are the only time I like going to Vegas. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. If you miss out on a promotion or are the first let go in the layoffs because you refused to go to this conference, you will look back on this with regret. There are people whose mind translates any answer all, from Hmm okayhow bout that Topic Changers vs. Distractors game? to NONONONONO! same. (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? A therapist will be of substantial benefit to OP in uncovering these typically subconcious assumptions and patterns, and mindfully challenging them and acquiring a different and more equitable relationship with her husband. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! And insanely good airline availability and inexpensive flights. I was fine. They are for sure marketing themselves as a place you can party it up (and you certainly can do that) but again, thats not unwholesome in and of itself. Your husband going on vacation without you is normal. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. Hed get support from his friends and family. People watching! I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. Talk about what services you provide. I talked to a financial planner about my divorce before I decided to go through with it, and it turns out she and I married the same guy too! You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. Sure, that could be the problem. Good for you,OP, for asking how to deal with a difficult situation. I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. My point was, shes hearing about friends opinions second-hand. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. Same here. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. So I do think theres a chance this is just a Vegas thing. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. Leave your spouse for a week of leisure travel, wrong? Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. Mmm.. Okay. Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. $60/night + $30/night resort fee, and $30 worth of groceries for the week kept me out of the pricey restaurants. I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . But general anxiety on this level is still causing them problems and will in future if he cant get it under control. My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. 4. The compromise? Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. Maybe you call once a day in the evening to say hi, but otherwise tell him youre not going to be responding to messages, because youre busy with work. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. There was a recent one with the same problem! THIS. And I asked to go but thats out of the question. Thats a CA classic. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. oceans apart 3 teile gratis. I just knew I was so unhappy and was starting to hate myself (but that was me! I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. :P. The drunk human traffickers are trafficking the dealers! It doesnt seem like he has much ability to manage his own emotionshes unloading them on you to manage insteadand thats a skill all adults should learn, I think. Be direct, and even brutally honest: Im not having this conversation (& hang up); Im not doing this again (& walk away); Im not changing my mind; Im not negotiating Im giving you the facts Basically, lots of Im not/I cant/I wont statements that are all about you and your limits. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. So, OPs husband would be fine if she was going on a business trip to Dullsville or Normalville or even New York City, but because shes going to Vegas, specifically, he has an issue.