CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. Is that about right, sir? "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" A: Bedbug. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. Line: 479 If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. hajahe155 6 yr. ago. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. Inning. Q: Name three people who like to bomb. Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. A: Tail of Two Cities. cleanup team? https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. The book is {\it May You! Q. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. Carnac the Magnificent. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? a #2 mayonnaise . A: Executive action. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". A: All the President's men. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. I hold in my hand these (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? The character was introduced in 1964. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. Show"? A: Plumber's helper. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Modern Day Curses - Monte R Anderson - Author Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? A: Lady-in-waiting. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. A: Disjoint. NO ONE! Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? A: Milk and honey. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. [1] carnac the magnificent curses I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. prune juice? The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? The crowd is hostile. (the curse). The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. 40 Years Ago, Johnny Carson Tells Most Famous Joke - KPEL 96.5 The Answer: They found no brain activity. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. No one knows the contents of A: Touch and Go. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. . A: Evon Guligan. "Knickerbocker"Q. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? A: 60 Minutes. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy She said, Why didnt you go around me?. A: At both ends. Amazon.com: Carnac Hat The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. up your turban. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Q: Where should you address all your mail? Flashback Friday: Heeeere's Carnac! | National Enquirer A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. A: Fondue. Line: 315 pre built n scale train layouts. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. A: Kumquat. , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? . Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? A: 50 miles per hour. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. A: Madame Kitty. (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. A: David Frost. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? A: Damnation Alley. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? A: Over 15 billion served. Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Amazon.com: Carnac The Magnificent A: Sueeee, sueeee. Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. A: Natural gas. [applause]. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Line: 24 The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? Carnac the Magnificent - Wikipedia Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Carnac the Magnificent A: Old wives tale. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? Introducing: Carnac the Magnificent Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your A: Pussy Willow. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. Line: 192 shorts. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Carnac the Magnificent. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. Wikizero - Carnac the Magnificent The funny story above is a satire or parody. A: Henry R. Block. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. doctors. share. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . A: 2001. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. dee? Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson GIF - Tenor Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? A: "Rose Bowl." Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. Click image to enlarge. Present your own 'Carnac the Magnificent' jokes - able2know A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. (Crowd cheers) #10. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. be sending Georgia soon? eyes? Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Commissary. The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. says? Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. The segment included several running gags. May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's A: "Small craft warning!" Q: Name a Kristofferson. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat (crowd cheers). Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. Feel free to laugh, but beware! "Oh, The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Carnac the Magnificent - Unionpedia, the concept map "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). A: Los Angeles Dodgers. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. Key'n'Stroke. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! A: The Loch Ness Monster. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? A: Shake and bake. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. . Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to A: Black feet. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? promises. alley? Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. violence? What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners | The Spoof Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. . A: Mr. Coffee. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Metapost: Let's talk COTW, kids - The Comics Curmudgeon Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? No more years! may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth grandfather. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest Pinside Pinball Top 100 Rating comments | Pinside Top 100 Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information . Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. girlfriend. skirt. A: Burn the candle at both ends. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . A: Kaleidoscope. Large Old Johnny Carson King of the Night Pin Back Button Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? 2006 | CC. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. by BMcCJ. juice? (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Box 4, Folder 48. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a A: Double hernia. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. A: The Orient express. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? A: Kris Kristofferson Oh, I forgot! Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. Carnac the Magnificent - Alchetron, The Free Social Encyclopedia Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? Carnac Alternatives and Similar Software | AlternativeTo , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee.