And now it will be poisoned for you. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? What do golf and sex share in common? I give the ball some sweet talk. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. I like to go low. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! - Mickey Mantle. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. If you break 80, watch your business. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. 1. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Please sign up with your best email address. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. P.G. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Golf is the easiest game in the world. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. A dinner without wine. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Damn, my shaft's all bent. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Besides that, I love to explore. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Because her coach was a pumpkin. They have been there where we are standing now. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Mini Golf Captions. Fore! Bruce Lansky. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? I'll let you beat me. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. You must remember not to remember to think. What does a golfer do on his day off? I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Learn More. Toggle Navigation Menu . No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Sir W.G. happen again! Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Nay! The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Lee Trevino, 59. Because you got me soaking wet. If we . 1. Do you know what the Lama says? 4. How many strokes was that? Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. If you drink, dont drive. 3. I Am Shuvo Saha. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. I was off to-day! 2. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. This post may contain affiliate links. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. 5. The lowest score wins. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. I'm pretty good with my short putts. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. He said. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. My shaft is bent. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Damn, girl. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. When your golf cart capsizes. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Ben Hogan. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. You shot an eight. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Bruce Lansky, Author. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. What did the duck say to the golf ball? All he knows how to play with is Clubs! / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. And that thought is: Dont think. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Have fun. All of them. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Where is the best place to go on vacation? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. fodrizzle. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Wanna be my caddy? Knock, knock Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Its not just enough to swing at the ball. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest A great shot is when you pull it off. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Because subtraction speaks louder than words. 5. Does a bear crap in the woods? How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Are you a water hazard? What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Lift your head and spread your legs. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. The other 20. Do you know why the game is called golf? "Hockey is a sport for white men. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Fantastic 4-some. clubs. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." What are a golfers favorite flowers? What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. My drives aren't always long and straight. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Are you looking for some funny jokes? nay I my child, and eke, oh! If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Just ask my ex -wives. 4. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. First and foremost, you must have confidence. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Watch their eyes. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Its almost a law. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Their expectation, however, is very different. You swing left and the ball goes right. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. In case they get a hole-in-one! Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. "Golf is my profession. The Dalai Lama himself. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Enjoy! Such is the game. One minute youre bleeding. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. So what are you waiting for? Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? P.G. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Is everything okay?. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Basketball is a sport for black men. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. There are no absolutes in golf. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. 2. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Why a carrot as a logo? From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -Happy Gilmore. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Its to move on. 6. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off.